Should I trust this man?

Hello everyone. I am a very down to earth woman, and I’m 20 yrs old, other people think I am attractive, so I won’t get into detail about how I look, i’m just trying to give you an idea. Anyways, I recently moved from the city to the south and I’ve only been here 4 months. I’ve met a very nice man my time being here. I was looking for a towing business (to tow my car for cash) and I stumbled upon this ad in the paper. I gave it call, talked to the owner for about 15 minutes and he talked me into selling my car for a lot more instead of towing it for petty cash. I appreciated his gesture and decided to meet up with him to let him take a look at my car to tell me what I should repair, how much to sell it for, and so on and so forth. This was Tuesday. He came over to my home, but he stayed outside near the driveway. He gave me some pointers about my car and he took it on a test drive, all together it took about 30 minutes.
He’s an older man, much older than me. He invited me to dinner at a restaurant down the street from my home. I agreed. I figured this was his way of "getting to know" me personally. So I took it that he was interested in being more than my friend, or a guy I called to tow my car. Anyways, we’ve been talking for about two days now. He texts me all the time and tells me that I’m very mature for my age, and how he does not meet women like me often. He admits that he has been married in the past and is recovering from a harsh divorce. Sorry for talking so much but here is where it gets INTERESTING. We went out to dinner last night. He pretty much did all the talking. Told me about his mother passing away and how his family really don’t talk to him AT ALL. The most interesting part of the night was when he began to talk about a woman he was dating that was very controlling, states that she was a Jehovah’s witness and that they did not get along because she never trusted him completely. He then stated that the problem was because they had different religious views and that he is Masonic.
That instantly made me uncomfortable with him. I lost my appetite and began to have crazy thoughts. I excused myself to the bathroom and prayed for guidance. Its like when I look into his eyes he reminds me of someone I used to be in love with. But that person hurt me the most out of all my other relationships! I’m wondering why he reminds me of someone who hurt me so much in the past yet he seems like someone who can brighten my future. I visited his house for 10 minutes for a tour, don’t worry I carry pepper spray, and he wasn’t acting weird or anything. I will admit that he keeps a lot of firearms in his home 🙁 Which makes me uncomfortable again because I got shot when I was 15 (stray bullet). Thursday he REALLY wanted to see me, he asked me to come over and I dodged it. He also asked me to stay the night, and of course I said no. I am a woman who believes in Jesus. I was raised that way. I also don’t judge people based on what they believe. I feel like he is a very nice person, but he scares me. I don’t know why. It could be because he is older or the fact that he is Masonic, but when he told me I did research myself without asking him so many questions. He also is very clingy, I feel like I’m suppose to take my time with men. After all I am so young. I can’t deal with the fact that he wants me to have keys to his place already! Maybe he is lonely after all his drama, but should I trust him? He has caused me to do a lot of praying since I’ve met him. I’ve wondered why he has told me he is Masonic because he could’ve lied to me, but he didn’t. I’m thinking what is the worst that can happen? I know my words are a lot, but my mind is racing! BTW tonight when i told him I didn’t want to stay over. We talked on the phone and then he told me to call him later. Then he texted me 20 minutes later and said he is going out and will talk to me in the morning. I felt like that was really weird. Ugh! What should I do? Please help me.

Sincerely,
Confused Little Birdie

Red flags went up long before the key incident.
Red flag #1- He is much older than you. No man that is much older than you should be asking you out.
Red flag #2- Texting all the time right in the beginning is a sign of clingy controlling behavior. Run! You will never be able to have friends or go anywhere without accusations and questions.
Red flag #3- Telling you that you are mature? You might be, but the fact remains that you are 20 and should be dating a 20 year old. He will be dead before you are 50 and you will have to take care of an old man while you are still young and viable. He should be dating women his age. You will miss out on so much of what you are supposed to do as a young adult if you are hanging out with an old man. What is even sicker is the thought about how old he was when you were born, or age 5, or ten. How about when you graduated? Yikes! Is he old enough to be your father?
Red flag #4- His family doesn’t talk to him. Must be a reason and he would never tell you if it was for bad reasons. Do a google search of his name and company. Most states have court pages where you can look at court cases brought against someone. States also keep sex offender registries. If you need my help doing this, email me and I will help you.
Red flag #5- Talking about an ex while on a date with you is rude (not to mention dominating the conversation). He is bitter and did not feel the need to get to know you, only to bitch about his life and get your sympathy.
Red flag #6- He’s a mason, you are a Christian. Relationships with different beliefs are difficult, if not pointless. It will be an undying fight.
Red flag #7- Fire arms that make you feel uncomfortable.
Red flag #8- He wants to move way more quickly than you do. He is into sex before marriage and is being pushy.
Red flag #8- He is clingy! This is a terrible red flag and it is a sign to run. There men often start displaying stalker like material.
Red flag #9- Trying to make you wonder why he is going out. He is letting you know that since he can’t get it from you tonight, he is going out to get it. I’m betting you get some drunken texts, calls, or a visit later tonight.
Red flag #10- Harsh divorce- may be his fault.
My advice would be to hang out with people your own age. Get involved in a church or visit the local university and sign up for classes. There are so many men that would love to date you, I’m sure. The age thing makes me think he is a pervert. Men should not date women so much younger than they are. It seems like a midlife crisis. Get on a dating site. Find some friends. You are new to the place you are and are probably lonely, too. Don’t hang out with him because of that. This situation is really standing out to me as a bad one. I hope you make it through okay. Email me if you want help.

4 Responses to “Should I trust this man?”

  1. H 15. Oct, 2011 at 3:29 am #

    Red flags went up when you said he wants you to have the keys to his place already. And then the part about him wanting you to stay over scared me a little after I read previous statement.. honestly, it seems sketchy to me.. I’m not sure, but as of now, id be leary and watch his every move. Clingy, another thing that sent up red flags. Go with your instincts. If you are scared, there’s a reason..
    References :

  2. BobbyT 15. Oct, 2011 at 3:49 am #

    Go with your instincts. If you’re not comfortable forming a relationship with this guy then don’t. If you want to get to know him better as a friend, let him know and make sure he knows the boundaries of this relationship. If he doesn’t respect those boundaries, again go with your instincts.
    References :

  3. benatured 15. Oct, 2011 at 3:59 am #

    Red flags went up long before the key incident.
    Red flag #1- He is much older than you. No man that is much older than you should be asking you out.
    Red flag #2- Texting all the time right in the beginning is a sign of clingy controlling behavior. Run! You will never be able to have friends or go anywhere without accusations and questions.
    Red flag #3- Telling you that you are mature? You might be, but the fact remains that you are 20 and should be dating a 20 year old. He will be dead before you are 50 and you will have to take care of an old man while you are still young and viable. He should be dating women his age. You will miss out on so much of what you are supposed to do as a young adult if you are hanging out with an old man. What is even sicker is the thought about how old he was when you were born, or age 5, or ten. How about when you graduated? Yikes! Is he old enough to be your father?
    Red flag #4- His family doesn’t talk to him. Must be a reason and he would never tell you if it was for bad reasons. Do a google search of his name and company. Most states have court pages where you can look at court cases brought against someone. States also keep sex offender registries. If you need my help doing this, email me and I will help you.
    Red flag #5- Talking about an ex while on a date with you is rude (not to mention dominating the conversation). He is bitter and did not feel the need to get to know you, only to bitch about his life and get your sympathy.
    Red flag #6- He’s a mason, you are a Christian. Relationships with different beliefs are difficult, if not pointless. It will be an undying fight.
    Red flag #7- Fire arms that make you feel uncomfortable.
    Red flag #8- He wants to move way more quickly than you do. He is into sex before marriage and is being pushy.
    Red flag #8- He is clingy! This is a terrible red flag and it is a sign to run. There men often start displaying stalker like material.
    Red flag #9- Trying to make you wonder why he is going out. He is letting you know that since he can’t get it from you tonight, he is going out to get it. I’m betting you get some drunken texts, calls, or a visit later tonight.
    Red flag #10- Harsh divorce- may be his fault.
    My advice would be to hang out with people your own age. Get involved in a church or visit the local university and sign up for classes. There are so many men that would love to date you, I’m sure. The age thing makes me think he is a pervert. Men should not date women so much younger than they are. It seems like a midlife crisis. Get on a dating site. Find some friends. You are new to the place you are and are probably lonely, too. Don’t hang out with him because of that. This situation is really standing out to me as a bad one. I hope you make it through okay. Email me if you want help.
    References :

  4. JAMES K 15. Oct, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    Why do you mention Masonic in a matter that has nothing to do with Freemasonry? Kindly leave us out of this.
    References :
    31 years in the Craft.

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